How Not To Network….

A friend tried to help me out with an introduction to a glamorous and slightly frightening looking art lady/powerhouse. I hate it when this happens it makes my brain suddenly become entirely filled with cotton wool. Her intense eyes and general demenour told me she had little tolerance for bullshit. Or me. It went a bit like this:

Friend:      “Laura, meet Sam, she’s the NATIONAL REGIONAL ART BOSS AND RULER                          OF THE ENTIRE REGION, AND HOLDER OF THE KEY TO YOUR FATE                              AND YOUR FUTURE..                                                                                                                         Sam, meet Laura, she’s an illustrator, and a designer. She’s really funny and                           talented…”

Sam:             “Hello, Laura…”

Me:               “Hi Sam………..How’s the wine?”

Sam:             “It’s fine thanks……”

Me:                “Oh good, yeah mine’s ok too….erm……don’t think I’ve had enough though…”

Sam               “Well, erm….” (she looks from left to right) “TONY!!! HI, …Sorry, erm..

Me:                “Laura……”

Sam               “Laura (HA HA) it was lovely to meet you. Good luck with everything…” Sam                           legs it, all I see is the flash of red from her fast moving Louis Vuitton soles.

Me:                “Yes, thanks,  bye then…”

I breathe a sigh of relief. My mate looks shocked. “God you are shit”. she says.


Intense

 

0 thoughts on “How Not To Network….

  1. As a matter of fact, just took a Merlot bottle out of the cooler for dinner in a while.
    Thank you for the quote, and the excellent portrait of the only Marx I ever followed.
    😉

  2. Thanks Laura, that was a flashback to an all too familiar scene in my 20s having to schmooze and network in the media industry! Good luck with it and I’m so happy to not have to do that anymore 🙂

  3. I recognize this! But here are suggestions for next time:

    “That sounds like such an interesting job! What are you working on these days?”

    “Wow, Ruler of the Entire Region! That sounds great. What kind of background leads to a job like that?”

    In other words, when tongue-tied, ask about the other person. It works.

  4. Ha! This is hilarious! GAWD I know that feeling. There is never enough wine for a soul sucking experience like that. Glad you survived to write a good post about it. I’m not a network fan, feels so predatory.

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